the dark is the light... livejournal
X-Posted on myspace and facebook.

This is the first time I've been able to get onto the internet since around 9:30 Saturday night. I know dear Robert has been keeping you guys updated as best as he can and I really appreciate that. For those that still don't know what's going on, here's the story:

At around 10pm Saturday night, my mother was driving towards my Aunt's house South bound on State Road 13 with her friend Jennifer in tow. They saw a stray dog wandering in the street near the newly built billiards and pet store right before McDonalds. Being the kind person my mother is, she turned around and started heading North Bound on 13 and stopped her car in a left turn lane. Her friend Jennifer parked behind her. My mom left my sister, brother, and Jennifer's daughter in her car and went to try and get the dog, Jennifer was with her. From what I understand, my mom had the dog in her hands and a car in the right lane of traffic saw her and stopped. This then caused someone behind that car to shift lanes and hit my mom. From what Jennifer explained, she didn't hear any brakes(driver was probably doing something in their car like on a cellphone or something), but the driver at least made some effort to miss my mom, so she was side swiped. My mom was then thrown into the air and came down on her head in the median, but luckily in the grass of the median. The driver kept on going, but did stop at another left turn lane a little ways down. Jennifer witnessed everything and was pretty hysterical when I got there. Luckily, my brother, sister, and Jennifer's daughter were in such a position that they did not see it happen.

My mom was then rushed by ambulance to the soccer fields off of RaceTrack Rd where she was airlifted to Shan's Jacksonville Hospital. There she was brought to the trauma center and my father raced our family there as fast(and safely) as he could. I was terrified because my real father died on route to the hospital when he was airlifted, so I was just going crazy and txting people.

Once we arrived, we were put into a waiting room and greeted by a counselor sent by the St.John's Sherriff department. She was very nice and always had the best in mind, which is good because my father was hysterical. When a nurse came to get our insurance information, she did inform us that my mother was alive, so we weren't waiting too long not knowing. We then moved to a waiting room closer to the trauma center entrance(which was good and bad) so that we could go outside and use our cellphones and that I could text people info. I really appreciated all the texts I received. They helped me to stay strong.

After about an hour of waiting and Jennifer having to wait outside(only immediate family members were allowed in), the doctor who was working on my mother came in and told us that she is alive, but that my sister and brother had to leave because she was going to talk about scary stuff. She told us that she's a very lucky woman and that she was in critical condition still. They had all ready moved her to cat scanning to check her for brain damage(something they were very worried about) and explained that she still had to have her breathing tube in. She was, however, responding, but she also had some possible fractures to her vertabrae, but not ones that would cause paralysis.

I then left to go outside and talk to Jennifer and she enlightened me on more of what happened. There I text'd a few of you the news and started to think too much and wonder if I was being punished or something. I mean, all this shit in the span of two weeks? It fucking sucks. I really was starting to get upset, but having people text me and having Jennifer there was help. My grandma then had to call my Aunt(who is in Conneticut) and so now my aunt is trying to get on the first flight she can back home. A little while later, my grandma updated me more and that they planned on taking us back in twos to see her. Of course, my sister and brother weren't permitted, but my dad and I were going to see her. Three hours later, though, my brother was starting to wake up from sleeping and my sister and I didn't know how much longer we could stay awake. So around 3:25am, my grandpa took me and my siblings by our house and we grabbed some things, checked on Lily and her kittens and then left for my grandparents' house. I didn't get to sleep until around 6:30am, though, and I was on the phone with Robert for a good while just talking about things.

Today she woke up and told them that her leg hurt and they found that a small bone under her knee is broken. They also tried to take out her breathing tube, but she had trouble, so they had to put it back. Seems that her lungs are bruised, so she can't breath on her own yet. A few vertabrae or shoulder bones might be broken, my dad wasn't very clear. He was just very intent on the fact that it's a miracle she survived this based on everything he has been hearing. She won't be released for probably another week and half and then her full recovery is most likely going to take 4 to 6 months.

It's all very scary and I know I'm going to have to step up and be substitute mommy for a good while. I was in shock for a good bit of the night last night and when my brother came into my room here and started crying because he wanted mommy, I started getting really upset and realizing just how close I was to losing my best friend in the entire world. I'm still upset over it and I'm so very nervous about the future. My dad still wants me to continue with the plans I had for school as normal,but I don't know how easy that's going to be. I've been feeling so alone lately and my mom has been here for me the past 2 weeks after Steve broke up with me and I don't know what I would have done if the worse news was said.

I still don't quite understand why this had to happen. My family is all ready in enough trouble as it is. My parents have been fighting daily and even just Saturday morning my mom left because my dad was going crazy and I had to take my siblings to my grandparents' house then. Our air conditioning and fridge are both broken, so we can't stay at my house right now. I couldn't help but start thinking too much last night about all this. What if I'm being punished? Is it because I don't believe in god? That actually crossed my mind. Just all this in the span of 2 weeks? I don't understand. I just don't. I'm honestly just sort of emotionally retarded right now. I cry here and there, but, eh, I just don't know anymore.

Anyway,I wanted to thank everyone who got back to me last night. I know I only contacted a few people because I didn't want to get too overwhelmed by everything, but I really did appreciate all your kind words. This includes Mara, Krysta, Denise, Robert, Dan, and, hell, even Steve. He text me today and told me that his mom said she's here for me and I really appreciated that especially because originally I wasn't expecting anything back.

Right now I'm just trying to keep myself eating. I barely ate anything Friday and then again Saturday, so I'm hoping I can eat something today. I'm taking care of Kobi and trying to be strong for him even though he doesn't really know what's going on.

Well, love you guys and I hope everything turns out okay.

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Current Location: Grandparents' House
Current Mood: anxious anxious

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It's been a crazy week here. Last Sunday my boyfriend broke up with me for some reasons I'm not even sure about, work barely scheduled me so I was left to mope about my new singleness all week, I planned on going to FCCJ only to have my mind changed by the Graphic Design program at UNF, and I saw like 3 movies.

Yeah. Trying to get my mind off of somethings. Can you tell?

Anyway, I'm happy at the prospect of going straight to UNF. I really can't wait to make new friends and meet new people. Hell maybe I'll find a guy that can actually treat me right?

Pfft, I've just been hurting-big time-this past week. I fell in love with my now ex boyfriend and I'm still in love with him and it pisses me off. I've figured out in my head(at least I'm pretty sure) that I'm better off with out him and that there are plenty of other guys that can treat me better, but love just doesn't disappear, you know? It takes time to heal and I think I am going to sever all ties with him for a good while. I made the mistake of getting worked up today and txt'ing him Happy Birthday(yes, his birthday oh so coincidentally was exactly a week after he broke up with me), so I started crying, but my friends helped me get over it.

I should take this time to really start just living every day for myself. I spent the last 6 months caring so much about him and wanting to please him that I really think I neglected myself. I'm excited about college and really putting my foot in the door to Graphic Design.

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Current Mood: crushed crushed

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It has definitely been awhile, but with graduation, a new boyfriend, and a new Mac, that's bound to happen. A lot has changed, including the demise of my website which has left my icon/graphics journal pretty much useless. I'm happy that I have a licensed copy of Photoshop CS2 and I'm ready to create some interesting pieces!

Current Mood: artistic artistic

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Well, guess what ya all?


I got a 2006 Black Nissan Sentra with a spoiler! Pretty sweet, aye? Oh and before I get some people bellowing about how I'm a hypocrite and got a brand new car, let me clue you in on something...


Yep, that's right, so please, understand that I got a nice car because I work my fucking ass off thank you very much. Speaking of work...they all think I'm in Sarasota, but plans changed and I'm stuck here. Might as well make the most if it, I suppose, ya know?

Anyway, besides the car...I got me...

+Black and White 2
+Some clothes and hair products including a temporary red dye which turned out great!
+new cellphone! Motorola Razr. Pretty tight, right?

I then spent some of my Xmas money on myself and bought some decals for my car and a magnetic ribbon like the ones you see supporting something on the back of old lady's cars...except mine reads "Support Bitching". I've noticed a lot of people from my mirror cracking up over it since they were expecting it to say something else, heh.

I also bought myself Half-Life 2: Collector's Edition as well as F.E.A.R. If you see a player by the name of Crissi on know who it is!! ^_^

Today my mom bought me a few early bday gifts, but I guess I was buying it for myself since yesterday my mom had to take my pay check since some checks bounced(ouch), got a visor for my car to hold my cds, 2 matching seat covers for the 2 front seats(has a white japanese dragon on em), and permeanent hair color....turned out great! I know have dark red/almost burgundy hair! Yay!

Also planning on returning a fucking $55 FM transmiter for my car for my ipod. Has this horrible buzzing sound in the background of the music and I can't take it anymore...not to mention the sales representative lied to me...>.>;
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If anyone hasn't noticed yet, well, my website has been going off and on lately. I know I've paid the bills and everything, so it just doesn't make much sense. I'm going to try and get a hold of my hosting provider to figure out what's going on. This is why my banner will randomly disappear and such. Also, once it does start working again, you can check out hiatus banner! Yay! Yep, the site is on hiatus for a bit while I work on a new, better layout! Enjoy Jolie's murdered face for awhile, k?

Also, for my trigun manga fans, I finished a new banner for my almost dead community and I hope I can breath some life back into it!
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Please, yes, I know I do this every so often, but this time it's serious: the reason I've been away is because I'm in the process of building a new computer or I would have been if it wasn't for the fact that my video card(which I need to even have a display) is broken.  Yes, the most expensive item I ordered($220) is freakin' broken and is the ONLY thing that is broken.  So, now I'm going to have to wait another fucking week until I can have a nice computer!  Ya all have no fucking clue how upset I was.  I've been waiting to build this thing for a long time and have saved up forever to buy these parts, so to have only one thing be broken...ugh...So, I'm going to have to ship it back to Cali) which is going to cost me a hefty amount and then wait for them to process the exchange and ship me a new video card.  What's even better[sarcasm] is that they're pretty much closed during weekend and on holidays, so I'm probably going to have to wait until Monday to get a reply from them to even get the details on shipping the video card back. I'm so seriously pissed.  I even paid nearly fucking $60 for a Next Day delivery and the package containing the parts(the PC case came on time) was actually a day late.  I was going to ask for a refund or see if my parents could spot me about $100(I got my last paycheck today) so I could just run up to the store and buy a new one and pay them back once I get refunded for the damaged video card...but I found out that I actually got a really good deal on this type of video card (Geforce 6800 256mbs).  It usually runs around $350 while I got it for around $220, so I'm just going to wait another week(god damnit) and then use my last paycheck to subscribe to and buy a few PC games. 

Also, I am aware that my lj banner has mispellings in it...I'm an sue me...>:< 
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LOL, I love my header.

Anyway, I'll be back in school tomorrow! Yay!  I'm ACTUALLY excited!  I missed everyone!

I got off like 2 days of work and that's a real bummer because I really needed those hours so I can get a big enough pay check for my computer savings, but I worked Monday of last week(which I usually don't) so those hours made up for one of the days and I know I'm not putting anything on my time card(like, if you eat something from Renna's and don't pay cash then and there, you have to write it on the back of your time card and it's taken out of your next paycheck...along with taxes...damn republican govt), so I'm guessing it will all even out, ya know?  Well, I went back to work today and David(the pizza guy) was giving me a hard time and trying to accuse me of "playing hookie" because God knows I WANT to loose money...dumbass.  Why is he doing this? Because I DO sound like I was never sick, but I swear to God it's in my fucking genes!  I have a way of being sick for a few days and then POOF, the next day I'm all back to normal, ya know?  That and once I feel pretty good and get up and get going, my body usually gets the hint and starts to work good again! :)

Once I find that damn elusive stock photo of the bald guy in pain, I'm going to make a large, printable(as in big ass prints you) dark art manipulation and get it printed a few times and frame it and stick it on my wall. LOL, I'm just that vein, ya know? LOL.  Actually, I'm slightly considering selling prints on Deviant art...but damnit, that place is a huge fucking popularity contest not unlike the Class President shit all us labeled geeks and nerds had to endure during school.  You could have written a fucking thesis on stopping world hunger and still lose to the guy that got infront of the student body and went, "Yea, vote for Bryan!".  It's ridiculous really. 

I'm sad because no one bought my Trigun doujinshi off eBay.  Are my listings that craptacular?  So, I'm going to offer it to my friends for like under $20...even though it cost me much more...

Also, along with printing manips, I'm going to offer my services once again to serious buyers!!  I need money real bad, not just for the computer, but also to help me with everyday things like clothes and stuff.  My main job(cashier) will help pay for my car, but my manips will go towards helping me buy some more of the clothes I love, which I can't do without my own money, ya hear?  So, if you know anyone that will take this seriously and in a busniesslike manner, then please forward them to me!!!
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Well, aren't I just evil?  Instead of going by the poll results because I'm just so naughty, I decided to take advantage of Marvel's new Son of M wallpaper and completely fuck with it until I came up with this semi-cool banner.  I like it, do you?  Also notice the Son of M icon to your left--yes, Pietro is so yummy especially when he's suspiciously homeless.

Anyway, I sort of went crazy with boxes and such with this layout, but just for ya all know, the lyrics come from "Much Like Falling" by Flyleaf. They're a somewhat new band that incorporates christian lyrics or something...or atleast that's what I found out after searching for lyrics. I'm usually not a Christian music person just because I find most of it really cheap, but this band is pretty good. They sound absolutely great and anyone who likes alternative rock will love them...the only problem? The girl sounds too much like Avril that it hurts their rep too much.

Here are the lyrics that I can make out:
"When I said good morning
I was lieing
I was truly thinking of
how I might quit waking up
You pointed out how selfish
it would be to kill myself
So I keep waking up"

That's the opener. The song is only like...2 minutes and a half long, so...yea....

Also, while I was bored during my days of sickness, I decided to sketch a character design of Wahankh, a character for a story and or comic I want to do.  He's under the cut for my dial up buddies!
Behind a real cut because not everyone wants to see Wahankh...lolCollapse )
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Just so my friends know, yes, I have been rather sick.  I expected to go back to school today, but I came down with a rather nasty sore throat and bad cough after work last night.  Originally, I was just suffering through some mild cramps, so I figured I'd be ready to go back to school the next day, ya know?  But, ugh, this is really nasty.  I feel like crap and I sound like a 50 year old smoker who has been smoking since they were out of the womb.  I don't know if I'll be at school tomorrow; it all depends on how I do tonight and right now I feel really weak and my head seems empty, so I highly doubt it.  So, my mom will stop by and grab my homework around 1-ish.

Anyway, to keep myself busy during the boring days, I've looked at computer parts and PC games that I'm really excited to get and play once I finally build my new computer.  For those who know just a bit about gaming or computers, here is my Most Wanted list!!!

Computer Parts
Case: ASPIRE X-Plorer ATXB8KLW-RD Black/Red Steel ATX Mid Tower Computer Case - Retail
Motherboard: MSI K8N Neo4/SLI Socket 939 NVIDIA nForce4 SLI ATX AMD Motherboard - Retail
Hard Drive: Maxtor DiamondMax 10 6B160M0 160GB 7200 RPM Serial ATA150 Hard Drive - OEM
RAM: CORSAIR ValueSelect 1GB 184-Pin DDR SDRAM DDR 400 (PC 3200) Unbuffered System Memory Model VS1GB400C3 - Retail
Video Card: MSI NX6800-TD128E Geforce 6800 128MB DDR PCI Express x16 Video Card - Retail
Processor: AMD Athlon 64 3500+ ClawHammer 1GHz FSB Socket 939 Processor Model ADA3500ASBOX - Retail
Power Supply: ASPIRE ATX-AS520W SILVER ATX 520W Power Supply - Retail
DVD/CD Combo Drive: LITE-ON Black IDE Combo Drive Model SOHC-5236V BK RTL - Retail

The total comes to $877.49.

Originally, I had a different motherboard that was cheaper, but then I figured it was practical to throw in about $20 more for a SLI capable motherboard, ya know?  I plan on saving up and buying another Geforce 6800 video card and going crazy with the awesome graphics! Yay!

Half Life 2
The Sims 2: Night Life Expansion
The Sims 2: University Expansion
Doom 3
Black and White 2
The Movies
Morrowind Oblivion
Vampire-The Masquerade-Bloodlines

How's that list?  Comment and recommend some for me!!!
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Okay, I'm guessing no one is really interested since I have yet to receive any replies on my last journal entree, but, wtf, ya know?

You can view my Trigun manga listings here!

Please, you know you want to help support Crissi! 
-insert puppy dog face here-
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